I have been avoiding writing a new post on here for quite awhile. I have good reason for that: I didn’t want it to be a post of complete doom. Some of you already know what happened and I appreciate your support. I don’t really want to go into details on here either. I hate that I’m more protective of what I say on here compared to anywhere else, but it’s hard since it’s a public blog that anyone can see. I just can’t get too personal. Back in the days of Arghleyhumph I think I was more personal. Probably even older posts from the last blog are that way too. Anyway, I digress.
I think things are on the track to get better. They just have to at this point anyway. This is definitely an uphill battle, but such is life. I did *finally* get a car since my poor Subie was demolished while parked on the street. The pic for this post is my new car. It’s stick, which I’m very excited about. It’s hard as fuck to find sticks these days; they just don’t make them as often as before. It was hard enough finding a decent used Scion. I was pretty lucky to get this one. It’s in really great condition and only has 62k miles (it’s an ’06).
I’ve been going crazy with 10 units this quarter (two grad level classes and one lower). And for some fucked up reason I’m considering trying 12 next quarter. My thinking is that since two are lower (400 level) I might be able to manage one grad class with it. I dunno. I’m gonna meet with my adviser to look at the classes I have left to try to come up with some sort of plan. It’s hard because I have another fieldwork class since I’m getting an autism certificate in addition to my other stuff. I might have to take that class alone. And student teaching would be its own quarter and comps would be its own quarter; all of that is basically a whole year of school and I still have some other classes to take. Sigh. I’m also afraid I won’t get my credential before the 5-year mark of me passing the CSET, which means I’d have to take that damn test over again! Long story short, school is stressful as usual.
I keep wondering how I’m gonna change my way of thinking. It’s sorta hard to reverse 21 years of cynicism. Even harder because it’s progressively gotten worse over the years. So far I’m in the sarcastic stage of saying positive things to myself. My friend said she did the same thing before being able to say them in a genuine way so I guess it’s all part of the process.
One thing I’m genuine about is hoping that you are all doing good and enjoying life.
That's pretty low miles for an '06. The pics you posted on twitter look like it's a decent car.
I understand the change and how hard it is. I'm always optimistic, but there's several things that have been going on for years in my life that have eroded that on several levels. I complain more, i bitch more about stuff, quick to complain. I've been trying to make improvements to reduce it, like not letting the bad shit I have to deal with at work get me stressed. I roll with the changes more and not let them affect me personally. It's not easy… it's fucking hard at times since I want to rant, but at the same time, it's taken away from the things that I want to do in my life.
Sorry to ramble, but I do understand where you are coming from.
Hoping the car is a nice ride for you for the years you have it.
Posted by martymankins | February 10, 2012, 2:25 pm